Freedom from boredom walk

Last Sunday I did something you may call strange. I left my house at three in the afternoon and walked to town. Now why would I do something medieval like that? What could have possessed me, etc, etc?

Earlier in the week, the matatu (public transport) guys in Nairobi went on strike. By the time I got into the city center from work, all matatus were steadfastly going nowhere until the striker’s grievances were sorted out. So there I was at the end of my day, a little fatigued but even more frustrated that I couldn’t get home when I wanted. What to do? Being the practical and impatient chap that I am I took matters into my own hands (or feet) and decided to go ‘route 11’. I started walking in the general direction of South B (where I live) until perhaps I came across a matatu willing to ferry me home. Well, the said matatu hadn’t shown up by the time I was a quarter way home but by that time it wouldn’t have mattered. I had already made up my mind to leg it all the way. And I made it. Walking at a leisurely pace, I was home in an hour or so, quite pleased with myself.

Back to last Sunday. It was around two in the afternoon and I was home alone, feeling rather miserable about how uneventful my weekend had been. My financial status was also rather grim so I didn’t have options like going for a movie or calling up someone for an impromptu date. I had laundry to do but with my low morale that wasn’t going to happen just then.

Somewhere in the midst of my pity-party I felt the one thing that would make me feel better instantly was some movement. But movement to where? Aah, yes! (A bright idea moment.) I instantly recalled having walked home earlier in the week; why not try walking to town instead? In fact, why not walk there and back? That would give me an ‘event’ to fill up what was left of the weekend. I also love walking so the exercise would definitely cheer me up.

Problem solved, in the shower I jumped and 15 minutes later I was out of the house whistling some tune. Or humming, can’t remember which.

After a brief stopover at my favorite groundnut seller I set off chewing cheerfully on my journey. It was strangely hot for a day in our winter (July-August) and a bit uncomfortable after a while. I even had to remove the light sports jacket I was wearing lest it got drenched in sweat. Apart from the heat, I don’t recall much of my walk to town, except walking behind this lady who didn’t seem to be going very fast but for some reason I couldn’t get past her. I later realized it was because she had long legs. It didn’t take much for her to stay ahead of me.

This time my walk to town took me thirty minutes, almost to the second. By now I was out of my misery zone and was trying to decide where to go next. Nakumatt, maybe. I could always kill time doing some shelf gazing. As I got closer to Nakumatt, I changed my mind. Why not go to Central Park? It had been a while since I visited and I honestly needed to sit down and cool off. That turned out to be the best decision I’d made all weekend.

So I got to the park and like I always do, I let my eyes casually absorb the scene. As I took it all slowly in I eased myself into an empty spot on a bench and started to take mental notes.

Let me describe the categories of people I saw. Some college-student groups were seated in circles: they looked rather C.U. (Christian Union)-ish. Others were mixed age groups, with toddlers to primary school kids and adults, kicking a football around: definitely families. Most interesting was one group that had some ladies of mixed age and I believe mixed religions. Perhaps they were members of a ladies self-help group or an NGO. Several in this group wore bright headscarves and similarly bright dresses while others were in jeans. They had a group of kids with them and together they were doing some nice little jig with their hands on their hips. It looked like they were having so much fun; I couldn’t help smiling. Then of course there were the loners (like moi). These were mostly seated on benches but some were on the grass. They didn’t talk to each other much but they definitely had something in common. All were staring misty eyed into the distance seemingly deep in thought. In between thoughts they would lazily look at the people around them then zone out again. So close yet so far from it all. Weirdoes.

How could I forget? Last but not least were the lovers. Ha! You never go to the park and not see these. For a society that isn’t too keen on public display of affection (ok, apart from a few), once we hit our public parks all inhibitions are thrown to the wind. It’s cuddling time! Ninety-nine percent of the couples I could see were lying in the grass with at least fifty percent of their bodies touching. The most common pose was one person sitting with their legs apart while the other one lay with half their bodies in the sitting ones’ lap. And these were the modest ones. The more ambitious lay side by side facing each other, legs intertwined, with hardly any breathing space between! The man in this setup always seemed to be whispering his undying loyalty, looking intently at his woman’s face, while the woman stared sheepishly aside, trying to decide whether her dude was for real or not. Yet again I saw a societal norm turned on its head: I thought that Kenyan men were all intimacy phobics.

Interwoven in all my musings was a constant thought. How easy it is to have a good time! One doesn’t need to have lots of money to go to fancy places in order to enjoy life. I mean, look at all these people living it up in a free public space for hours on end. The weirdoes and families and lovers around me had discovered this secret yet I’d spent most of my weekend watching series after series and sleeping.

I walked back home later that evening with my pocket empty but my heart full: full of memories of laughing families and cuddling lovers.

Film star goes broke.

What I have I done lately? Let me start with the more exciting stuff. Two weekends ago I was at a video shoot. My lil bro and his pals were doing a pilot for some show they hope will air on telly and guess who was part of the cast? Yeah, ME! (ok, save your adoration for when I'm truly famous). I was acting as an MD giving awards at a ceremony...but do I brag? Got a chance to wear my first suit in years, and I must say I looked good! I'll post a picture for y'all to admire once they're published.

That shoot was an awesome experience I must say. A film set is such an exciting place...so many people milling about at once. The crew, makeup, wardrobe, extras and of course the main cast. The government and especially their almost non-functional body (Kenya Film Commission) need to do some serious promotion of our movie industry. An average film set employs quite a few people and we need more jobs right?

Especially for young folk. So much potential and only a limited number of avenues to exploit it.

July has been a tough month. People either have my money and aren't paying, or they're going for trips just when I was hoping to collect. Manze mwezi huu nimesota kweli! But it's all good. August will be fabulous...I can feel it!

Blast loosens tongues!

Why is it that on a regular day in the city, folk rarely find anything to say to each other? Unless they need directions, are trying to pull a fast one on an unsuspecting victim OR like today there has been a mysterious blast?

How tongues have wagged in Nairobi since news of the blast! Everyone seems to know someone that "...was there just five minutes before it happened!". Complete strangers are elbow to elbow on Moi Avenue this moment trying to catch a glimpse of the site as well as find out what really went down. At my favourite diner I even got to chat up some cute waitress that I've been err....oops, digression :-)

This reminds me of the last time I saw people talk so much in Nairobi. It was in early 2008, just after the botched elections. Everyone was talking to anyone whether in a matatu, restaurant, street corner, etc. Where I was working at the time, for weeks we only managed to do two hours of real work a day before some hot conversation would come up about our 'current crisis'. Nothing like good old fashioned death knocking at our doors to get us talking, eh?

If we could find other things we have in common (apart from disasters) that could cause complete strangers to talk, how quickly issues like tribalism, etc. would be brought out in the open and hopefully resolved. Wishful thinking?

From exhaustion to revelation

I cannot remember being busier than I have been the last two weeks. On and on, the calls kept coming, every day and every client with different issues. This often meant me getting up at no later than 5 a.m. every morning (sometimes 4.30 a.m.!) just so I could have time to collect my wits as I prepared to leave the house. I have long realised that bolting out of bed and into the bathroom then my clothes and out the door makes a forgetful, confused and irritable me.

So that has been my fortnight; up at cockcrow, work like mad all day then drag myself home and into bed at 9 or 10 p.m. I sound like I'm complaining...I really shouldn't. Okay, so I really missed sleeping in especially now that the mornings are so cold. I'd try and catch a nap in the matatu as I rode to town but there was so much on my mind that my eyes just couldn't stay shut. Before I knew it we were in the city and I was sprinting off to put out whatever fire my first client of the day had lit.

When I'd finally be through with client number two, which was around 2 or even (in extreme cases) 4 p.m., THEN the sleep would come; in great waves and so thick that I'd feel like I was actually passing out instead of falling asleep. Off I'd go to my favourite eating spot to gobble down a late lunch after which I'd head over to a cyber cafe for an hour or so of surfing.

If by the time I was through it was rush hour, then I'd decide there's no way I'm going to stand in a queue for goodness knows how long (in my weakened state) so I'd go have a drink alone for an hour or two until I thought the queue at the matatu stage was gone or at least greatly reduced. The rest is obvious; matatu, home, bed.

Miserable as this sounds, there is a good side to all this. I have actually improved discipline-wise. Wheras I used to find it incredibly hard to sacrifice an extra hour of blanket time in the morning, nowadays it's almost a piece of cake. I say 'almost' because I don't always leap out of bed immediately I wake up, but my response time is WAY better than what is was. So I guess I should be happy, especially since I get the feeling that this stressful couple of weeks was a preparation for something great in the near future. As I'm thinking about that, my heart beats a little faster and I have a slight grin on my face. A new phase in my life is forming, and I can hardly wait to see what it is.

Oh boy!

Mavuno tele...white and black

For those who remember, I once vowed never to darken Mavuno church’s doorstep after they almost ruined a weekly meeting I’d really gotten to like. Well, like the man that I am, I’ve changed my mind *blushing in shame*. Unbelievably, I’ve become quite a regular at the church’s Sunday services. What happened to make me alter my previously militant stand?

I can’t quite put my finger on it but my current excuse is that I need to have something to talk about at the weekly meeting with my friends. Since the meeting includes discussing the previous Sunday’s sermon, well, how else to have something relevant to say than to attend service and take notes?

The experience hasn’t entirely been a waste of time if I can be honest. Some of the sermons have been pretty insightful. I also like that every week they feature testimonies from real people who’ve had real issues like alcohol, sex and drug addictions, which they overcame and are now helping others do the same. That’s really cool. That kind of boldness is what the church needs if it is to attain the perfection that the Lord requires of it.

One peculiar thing about the services though. Before the preacher comes on, there’s normally two people (male and female) on stage who give announcements and do a back and forth comedy skit. Sometimes they’re funny. Other times I feel like they’re the only ones getting their jokes. They praise the audience quite a bit too, making sure they always tell us how lovely we’re looking plus asking us to tell our neighbour the same thing (just in case they weren’t listening?) But no matter how many times I try and avoid thinking this way, I always end up wondering: is all that pre-sermon entertainment really necessary? I mean, really?

Ok, I understand that Mavuno is a happening church and the people in charge want to spice things up a bit. But sometimes I think they’re in danger of straying from the essence of what Christ said the church was to come together for. When I read the gospels, I see that when Christ had a message to preach he did it in plain language and using parables. There isn’t any record of him going out of his way to coat his message with song dance to make it easier to swallow. His basic method of preaching was to talk to his audience and get them to understand his message, not to give them a good time, but to tell them the truth which would set them free.

When I go further and read about normal activity in the early church after Christ resurrected it appears that what they regularly did was (Acts2:42) to continue in the apostles’ doctrine (the Word), breaking bread (the Lord’s supper), fellowship (social interaction, discussion) and prayers. Later verses in the same book and in others say they praised God in song too. So we can infer from this that the meetings were not a dull affair. However I fear what we have nowadays is focused more on tickling our fancies with entertainment and jokes, you know, to get us to feel really good after the sermon.

Perhaps, someone may say, if you don’t do something to catch the audience’s attention they will not listen to the message. I get it. Thanks to television, radio and the internet we have non-stop entertainment bombarding us from all sides. So much so that a lot of us have become entertainment junkies with short attention spans. But surely, if you give an addict more of what made them sick in the first place, aren’t you just making their condition worse?

A price on Santa's head!

Hey y'all!

Something wierd happened...last year I put up a very anti-christmas post here and guess what: in less than a week it was gone. That's right: deleted! Someone definitely hacked into my account.

My primest suspect is Santa; he'd better run and hide. Punk!

I'm free. Finally.

This is one of the few times that I'll be annoyingly secretive. I have something that's really been bugging me lately. Today, after days of agony it feels totally gone and I'm really elated. The weather's conspiring too to make my mood even better. Nothing but brilliant sunshine since early morn. What a glorious feeling. Peace like a sleeping babe.

Why I'm not telling just yet: I really must be sure that 'the monster's dead before I throw a party and tell the whole world. Plus there are a few smelly bits of monster droppings lurking around somewhere that I must clean out.

Until then, just share my joy and be happy for me. That's all I had to say.

Dullness to the nth power

This week is BORING! Boo! I hate it. Some action please, somebody, anybody!

Perhaps I'll take a random trip out of town, charge my batteries kidogo. Can't go on this way. Gilgil? Hmm, Soysambu Ranch might just do the trick. Lemme call my cousin and see...

Breakthrough! Silver lining!...etc. etc.

To neutralize the sulky mood of the previous post, today I have some super news. After several attempts at getting my foot into a media house, my efforts have borne fruit. Woohaaah! That's how it felt the day the sun finally shone on me. Quite a welcome relief to the way things had been going the last two months.

Remember my frustration with trying to get audience with some fellow who works for a daily newspaper? Well, I gave up following on that lead; it felt like such a dead end I could actually touch the cold concrete of its wall. Happily there were better times right round the corner. Here's the saga.

I'd gone to see my cousin at some exhibition where her company was participating. As we chatted, this guy with a broadcast-quality video camera came to the stand and I naturally inquired what station he worked for. It turned out he works for one of the new digital TV stations that's been hovering around undetected by most mortals that don't have a digital set-top box (like me). The station is a sister company to the one my cousin works for. How coincidental is that?

Without a doubt I was immediately on my cousin's case trying to milk each detail about the station out of her, but she was rather ignorant and only knew that it was in the same building that she worked in. She however knew someone she worked with that was more clued in than she and after she pointed her out to me we got acquainted and arranged a date when we would meet and chat.

Long story short, my contact this time was the real deal and eager to help so in a week and a half I was at the TV station's offices talking with the current programs manager about the station and my desire to work with them. That was meeting one. By meeting two we were discussing an idea I had for a show that the programs manager actually liked. Wow! "Not to worry," I told him. "There's more where that came from." And with that I was given an invitation to visit the station anytime and present any other gems that I'd mined from my creative mind (rhyme?!).

Had things taken a turn for the fabulous or what? The rush I had after that meeting; a mixture of relief, delight and maybe a little fright, is indescribable!

Is this finally it? Have I hit the media jackpot? Will I soon be the talk of gossip mags, radio stations...wait...might I even end up on The Bench with Jeff (gasp!)?

Whoa, slow down homie. There's still lots to be done plus your first script hasn't even been officially accepted yet. And the programs manager could be a crook who gladly takes your ideas and runs with them, giving neither credit nor money to you, leaving you crushed and dejected in the dust.

What's with the negativity all of a sudden? Take a deep breath and just relax. Enjoy the experience and keep writing and hoping and praying. The rest is up to someone else.

P.U.S.H.

Keeping up with your dreams is hard. Especially when there are disappointments. Just today I've been trying to get a hold of some contact I got who works for a daily newspaper and meeen! He seems to be constantly in a meeting. What gives? Is he really busy or is he just dodging me?

I normally wonder, when trying to interest a contact in something I have to offer, should I just apply pressure ceaselessly until they break? Or make a phone call once every few days just to give the poor fellow space to breathe?

I tend to be very sensitive to people's feelings so I hate to think that my persistence is bugging someone. The flipside is, I don't think I have the luxury to be a ka-softy. There are many folks I've spoken to and others whose books I've read that claimed that if it wasn't for their pestering certain people they'd never have gotten the opportunity of a lifetime that changed their destiny.

So I guess I'll just have to 'kaa ngumu' like that dude I really don't like (Fred Gumo) and P.U.S.H.: Pressurise Until Something Happens!

Book fair

I'm just from a book fair at the Sarit Center. I wasn't too enthusiastic about going because I thought it would be boring and hardly anyone would attend. How wrong I was!

There was quite a flock of people wandering around and some actually buying books. Okay, a lot of them were parents with their kids looking to buy schoolbooks but some literary enthusiasts were present too (like yours truly). You know the kind, dreadlocked, wearing african print shirts, copper and bead jewelery, etc. It's like being artsy in Kenya makes you want to dress more 'ethnic' for some reason. Not that I mind though. Anything is better than a boring old suit I always say.

Come to think of it, my attire was also somewhat patriotic. I had on a t-shirt and cap labelled 'Kenya'. Great coincidence, hmm?

The most appealing stand for me was an e-learning one. A couple of guys there were showcasing a software application that contains lessons for the entire KCSE (Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education) syllabus! Complete with voice overs and flash videos. How cool it that?

It had me feeling like "Where was all this stuff when I was growing up? I'd never have gone to school!" What fun my life would have been. Anyhoo, water under the bridge.

I managed to get some good contacts the best of which was this guy that told me about a club for writers, journalists and the like. I've been searching for such for years! I left feeling quite pleased with myself for having gone to the fair. A Sunday well spent.

Wierder and wierder

Never has my life looked more topsy-turvy than right now. First I am at my brokest; if it wasn't for my patient landlord I'd be a hermit by now.

Speaking of hermits, there's this one that lives not too far outside my estate who I see everyday. All he has is a simple tent-ish structure right next to a fence. Every evening he sits there by the small fire that he's lit, stretched out leisurely. How free he seems. No rent to pay, nothing but basic possessions around him. Humanity lived that way not too long ago. Out in the fresh air with no need to pay anyone to enjoy your own little space. So long as the weather behaved and there was food to eat, all was well. I envy my ancestors.

But then there were wild animals to ward off...not to mention lice...ok, now the idea doesn't seem so sweet.

I still wish there was a way to simplify life. It seems the older you get the more life demands of you. Actually it's people that demand more of you. If we all hermit-ised then all people would need us to do is to help chase a few stray dogs away (lions are almost extinct nowadays), perhaps help them dig their shamba. Manageable stuff. This money society of ours is so stressful.

As I wallow in my brokeness and semi-dispair, I seem to be getting closer to achieving my dreams. I have just recently decided that I want to write for a living, preferably as a journalist. And whether it's by coincidence or through effort (it's a mixture of both but more of the latter) I seem to have the right people within reach to help me achieve my desire. I have connections at two media houses that are in strategic positions and after speaking to them it appears that soon I'll be making some decent headway.

There's also my dream number two; to produce videos, short films and eventually a movie. I've fantasized so hard about it that sometimes I've felt like I was coming unhinged. Then in the thick of my fantasies, today happens. At an audition for a part in some local TV show I meet this chap who's into photography and video up to his chin. On the way back from the audition it became quite clear that we are destined to be pals for quite a while. Maybe even forever. I had so many questions about video and he had all the answers! It gets better. He's invited me to a video shoot next week and he's offered to show me all the steps from shooting, to capturing to post-production.

How can everything seem so bad yet so good at the same time?

Am I in the twilight zone?

Think I'll skip the harvest

I have a number of friends in my 'hood that go to Mavuno church. After attending a few of their home bible study/fellowship sessions I really started getting drawn to them. A group of young people going through issues but seeking help (from above) and from each other. What I really liked is the candidness; We grew bold enough to tell each other very personal stuff and that I found really refreshing. We were connecting, the real McCoy. It was all chocolate until some new class about prayer was announced at the church headquarters and the meeting had to break up for a month so that those who wanted to could attend. Big mistake.

We haven't had another home fellowship meeting since and it's been at least two months. People just...drifted, especially the ones in charge of our group. Somehow they only seem to remember that we have a meeting on the very day itself (Thursday) and by then it's too late to get anyone to volunteer to host the group. I wish my house was big enough; I'd host the meeting there every week for two months 'till someone got jealous and decided to host it at theirs. (I'll use that little motivation to work harder, make more money and upgrade to a fellowship-friendly digs.)

So in the meantime I really missed my 'peeps' and had to find a way of seeing them all again (in one place) so I did something I'd been resisting for ages. I went to church...Mavuno, that is. That sounds like a strange thing to say, that I'd been resisting, but hear me out. I'd heard lots of non-positive things about Mavuno, like it being too gisty and the service resembling a night out at a club on Friday. But eventually I gathered my guts up one Sunday and went. Hm.

Experience one wasn't so bad. The topic of the sermon I thought was interesting and relevant, however one song they sang during the praise and worship session...wa! "Niko na, niko na, niko niko na...reason ya ku...CLAP!" Some gospel-crunk track by some guys whose name I can't recall. I was horrified! To others this is isn't a biggie...y'know, so long as someone is singing about God then the style doesn't matter. But when I was growing up it did. Church and worldly music used to be quite different since of course the motives for singing either are different, n'est ce-pas? One to praise God, the other one to boogie to, serenade, etc? But nowadays it's all mashed up. Tsk.

Anyhoo, that was my session one. It didn't put me off Mavuno completely so I went a second time. THIS time around my beef was with the pastor. Some well dressed, well spoken lady with hilarious stories. She really knew how to engage the crowd, but what I couldn't stand about her was she just wouldn't stop giving us orders! "Turn to your neighbour and tell them bla bla bla." "Now turn to your other neighbour and tell THEM bla bla bla." "Stand up if you need Jesus to do etc. etc." Aaargh!

Ok, I sort of understand her reasons for doing that. One was to keep us busy so we don't fall asleep or drift off into Wonderland. Most speakers (motivational and the like) use such tactics. Two was to force get us to interact so that hopefully we'll become one big family where everyone knows their neighbour and we all live happily ever after. Nice try but I'm not sure that will work.

People mainly go to services to be taught, lecture-style. Not to interact with their neighbour. That is why they all face the preacher and not each other during the service. I am yet to hear of people that met and became fast friends because of bonding while seated side by side during a service. Most intros and bonding happen either before or after the service. That has been my observation. Another place bonding happens is during fellowship meetings such as the one I'm currently missing. In the latter you HAVE to bond otherwise the meeting falls apart pretty quickly. People sit facing each other and probably share a beverage of some sort or a meal. Just like a family sitting down to dinner.

That is what I believe true church to be and I resent that ours has possibly been ruined. Away with the short-sighted bigwigs at Mavuno! You don't know what damage you've caused. Just when everything was going so well. And with that I declare that you will never see this fellow here at any of your services again. I'm skipping your harvest.

Confessions of a watermelon

I quit my job in a huff last March and what an odd experience it's been. I expected it to be like when I was last self-employed (yes, this is my second time around) but it certainly isn't. A boy's gotten smarter of course; I can easily smell a bad deal and walk away rather than get involved then rant and rave later on. What's really different is my lack of...oomph.

Somehow my great love for I.T. waned, even though I was steeped in it for 3 years. If only I didn't read and fantasize so much. Perhaps that's what has me always seeing greener grass careers across the fence. Actually, that's a terrible thing to say. I would be a boring, ignorant nobody if I didn't read.

So now I'm an interesting, enlightened somebody who's in a very wierd part of his life. Self-employed yet not relishing his work any more. Not too long ago I really fancied being a super-geek with static crackling around my head because of my braininess (and being around electronics all the time) but now that just doesn't seem like a fulfilling way to live. You see, to be a true geek you have to be somewhat of a loner. Your closest companions are your pc/laptop, servers, routers and the like. Those don't talk, they give feedback like "Update successful." or "ERROR 1146 (42S02): Table 'xyz_1' doesn't exist". Even if you have colleagues in the same field and office they too are mostly glued to their screens typing code, scanning log files for strange errors or monitoring backups.

A book I've been reading and re-reading talks of people who work at careers they are competent in but don't love. Journalists masquerading as doctors. A nurse who secretly yearns to be a sculptor. That's how I've been feeling since the end of last year when I finally decided I was going to quit my job.

So I've been a hypocrite of sorts, drinking water while drooling for wine. But it's not all bad in the hood. Read on.

A month or so ago I was watching telly and somehow got glued on K24. It's quite a different station from the rest; there's something raw and fresh about it. My opinion. Another (less appealing) thing about it is awful scripts. Uuui! One particular story I watched was about Muthurwa busstop and the way it is a failure despite what people imagine. It was an enlightening piece but the copy was way below standard. The more stories I watched the more frustrated I got. Is there no one to go through the reporters' copy and at least do a grammar check? Rant rant rant, etc. Then it hit me...

Hey! That's an opportunity right there! Why not find a way to get to K24 and somehow convince them that they need me? Hmm, easier said than done. So I ruminated on that idea for a while and in the meantime I came across a book called Wishcraft. What . a . fantastic . book! A more detailed review later. Basically it talks of how to turn your cherished fantasies into reality in a practical, step-by-step way. One of the ways to do this is by utilizing your human network and getting them to help you accomplish your dream instead of trying to do it all yourself. So I rang up my brother who's an actor and asked him if he knows anyone at K24. Of course he does, in fact the guy he knows is in charge of content. Bingo!

We rang the chap up, booked an appointment pronto and before I knew it I was in one of K24's meeting rooms showing Mr. Content Manager an article I did for the Standard a couple of years ago. I turns out they are currently on the hunt for a script writer/editor (fancy that!) so the man whipped the article out of my hand and went to show it to his boss. Long story short, I was given the boss' email address and asked to forward him my resume and hold tight. Which is what I'm doing now. It's been a couple of days and no response yet but I'm keeping my hopes up. Think I'll give Mr. Content Manager a buzz and ask whether the boss got my email.

Let's see where my audacity lands me. But whether I get the job or not, I ain't giving up just yet.

Thank you 'confused spinster'!

Thanks to the person named in the title of this entry, I have renewed vigor to blog. There were just a few super-personal snippets I needed to remove which I did and now (thankfully) I'm back. My fingers and intellect are itching!

So this is to you 'confused spinster'. Your humorous, often morose writings resonate so hard with how I am right now that I almost thought I was reading about myself. Let me stop my gushing right there lest I spook you into asking special branch to monitor my blog ;-)

You will of course ignore my previous post...

Its ending...

I think this blog is a little too revealing about me so for those that have just had a look, take a good one. Its quite possibly the last.

Sayonara.

Poetry - and Grace Lewellyn

Last Saturday:

- After a terrible end of week, I look forward to some poetry session in the eve. Before that happens I meet up with bro and almost give up the poetry for drinks and masculine stories...man, am I GLAD I stuck to the script! That poetry session was truly something. Them youngsters have lots of feeling and brain in their bodies. It made me want to sit up at night and write a few lines myself. Which I shall. Soon.

Sunday:

- So the poetry ends and Sunday is with me again. Sleep, sleep and more sleep. Awful. However, late afternoon I head off to the 'Flame' with Grace Lewellyn's book underarm (The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to quit school and get a real life and education). Best book I've bought in ten years. I've already read it once, now I'm taking tiny bites and chewing them thoroughly. Came out of that session with a calm spirit and resolve in my heart. Follow my dreams and do that NOW. Not tomorrow. Now.

Today:

- I can boldly testify that yesterday's Lewellyn session worked. I've had quite a productive and relatively peaceful day. Read lots of intense stuff on wedding photography. Who knew something so mundane sounding could be so deep? One website made it sound like calculus! However I ain't discouraged in the least. I'll just get a good mentorship and that should do me loads of good; better than any photography class. That heavy book on photography at Lifestyle wouldn't hurt either.

- Let me summarize with my Theme for the Season: Like Thoreau, I want to "live deliberately...and suck out all the marrow of life..."

Some light - but I'm still in '09

- New year huh? Not for me. Still in '09 mode. Haven't quite gotten a crystal clear vision of the first step to take into the new dispensation. HOWEVER, I just had one really solid thought about where my frustrations stem from:

Most of what I read is not in any way relevant to what I do! My vocation and hobby(s) don't have as much as they should in common! At last I've articulated it. Punched it right in the nose. What's the point of endlessly educating myself on culture, education, photography, cinema, etc. if it only ends up as interesting conversation? How incomplete! That stuff needs to be put into practice. Study and apply: the best way to educate. So the dilemma now is where to begin. My strongest urge is to begin with photography (which seems simpler to elbow my way into). I must get me some leads pronto. As in this week...nil procrastination.

- Is this the end of 'pure' eye-tee for me, for good?

- The woman: she definitely isn't in my sights yet. One radical, the rest all potential...somethings. But certainly not permanent housemates. Not until further scrutiny. I'm putting that one on ice for a while.

Cisco and beyond

- It is finally here: the Cisco era. I attend a class at least 4 times a week and boy/girl, is it fun! I get the feeling the proffesseur is pushing the envelope and teaching more that the scope of the curriculum, but that can't hurt me can it?

- John Taylor Gatto still make SO much sense to me. Going through some mp3's of his speeches right now. I urge one and all to search the net for his material. It's good, deep stuff to chew on in one's free time. It sure beats watching endless series (24, Heroes...), the empty voyeurism of facebook etc.

- Finally met up (socially) with my telephone friend. She's not half bad actually (nice, firm figure, ahem.) Uses the word 'bastard' a bit too freely for my comfort but she's not as wild as I had feared either, considering her age. Where will this liason end I wonder? I sense a landmine of sorts. Nice and quiet on the outside but when you set foot on it..BOOM! You lose that foot. Careful.

- I'm off for an intervention in a bit. Almost called it 'charity work' but that would have de-personalised it. It's not one of those Corporate Social Responsibility things, its a couple of friends in trouble that another friend and I are trying to sort out. More on this later.

- The immediate future looks sizzling, I can hardly wait for every next happening to happen. The coming week should be a thriller of an episode. Watch this space, I'll probably be itching to catalogue it. 'Till then, I bid y'all farewell.

'09 - Rambling commentary...

- Can't remember a more peaceful transition into a new year. Guess it's because of the contrast with what last year was like. Can't say there's much to complain about.

One blip in the radar though: the addition to the cubicle is M.I.A. Not A.W.O.L. though. That's the official story from H.Q. Strange happenings here. All rumor, not enough fact. Well, live and let live; it's the only way for now.

- New kid on the block: wonderful personality! Great, soothing contrast to previous occupants. Had almost resigned myself to a life of forbearance and longsuffering. Thank You for the respite.

- Amorous thoughts have been on my mind lately. Rather strong ones. Could it be TIME? I hope so. Need to move to the next level and stop thinking of and caring for self alone.

Question: Where to find a kind lass with what it takes?
Answer: She can't be found. Can only be delivered. Wish I knew how to track the parcel... how far is it?
(What would change if I knew?)

Question: Do I have what it takes?
(Quick)Answer: Clearly, I've still got some character formation to complete. No doubt.