Confessions of a watermelon

I quit my job in a huff last March and what an odd experience it's been. I expected it to be like when I was last self-employed (yes, this is my second time around) but it certainly isn't. A boy's gotten smarter of course; I can easily smell a bad deal and walk away rather than get involved then rant and rave later on. What's really different is my lack of...oomph.

Somehow my great love for I.T. waned, even though I was steeped in it for 3 years. If only I didn't read and fantasize so much. Perhaps that's what has me always seeing greener grass careers across the fence. Actually, that's a terrible thing to say. I would be a boring, ignorant nobody if I didn't read.

So now I'm an interesting, enlightened somebody who's in a very wierd part of his life. Self-employed yet not relishing his work any more. Not too long ago I really fancied being a super-geek with static crackling around my head because of my braininess (and being around electronics all the time) but now that just doesn't seem like a fulfilling way to live. You see, to be a true geek you have to be somewhat of a loner. Your closest companions are your pc/laptop, servers, routers and the like. Those don't talk, they give feedback like "Update successful." or "ERROR 1146 (42S02): Table 'xyz_1' doesn't exist". Even if you have colleagues in the same field and office they too are mostly glued to their screens typing code, scanning log files for strange errors or monitoring backups.

A book I've been reading and re-reading talks of people who work at careers they are competent in but don't love. Journalists masquerading as doctors. A nurse who secretly yearns to be a sculptor. That's how I've been feeling since the end of last year when I finally decided I was going to quit my job.

So I've been a hypocrite of sorts, drinking water while drooling for wine. But it's not all bad in the hood. Read on.

A month or so ago I was watching telly and somehow got glued on K24. It's quite a different station from the rest; there's something raw and fresh about it. My opinion. Another (less appealing) thing about it is awful scripts. Uuui! One particular story I watched was about Muthurwa busstop and the way it is a failure despite what people imagine. It was an enlightening piece but the copy was way below standard. The more stories I watched the more frustrated I got. Is there no one to go through the reporters' copy and at least do a grammar check? Rant rant rant, etc. Then it hit me...

Hey! That's an opportunity right there! Why not find a way to get to K24 and somehow convince them that they need me? Hmm, easier said than done. So I ruminated on that idea for a while and in the meantime I came across a book called Wishcraft. What . a . fantastic . book! A more detailed review later. Basically it talks of how to turn your cherished fantasies into reality in a practical, step-by-step way. One of the ways to do this is by utilizing your human network and getting them to help you accomplish your dream instead of trying to do it all yourself. So I rang up my brother who's an actor and asked him if he knows anyone at K24. Of course he does, in fact the guy he knows is in charge of content. Bingo!

We rang the chap up, booked an appointment pronto and before I knew it I was in one of K24's meeting rooms showing Mr. Content Manager an article I did for the Standard a couple of years ago. I turns out they are currently on the hunt for a script writer/editor (fancy that!) so the man whipped the article out of my hand and went to show it to his boss. Long story short, I was given the boss' email address and asked to forward him my resume and hold tight. Which is what I'm doing now. It's been a couple of days and no response yet but I'm keeping my hopes up. Think I'll give Mr. Content Manager a buzz and ask whether the boss got my email.

Let's see where my audacity lands me. But whether I get the job or not, I ain't giving up just yet.

Thank you 'confused spinster'!

Thanks to the person named in the title of this entry, I have renewed vigor to blog. There were just a few super-personal snippets I needed to remove which I did and now (thankfully) I'm back. My fingers and intellect are itching!

So this is to you 'confused spinster'. Your humorous, often morose writings resonate so hard with how I am right now that I almost thought I was reading about myself. Let me stop my gushing right there lest I spook you into asking special branch to monitor my blog ;-)

You will of course ignore my previous post...

Its ending...

I think this blog is a little too revealing about me so for those that have just had a look, take a good one. Its quite possibly the last.

Sayonara.

Poetry - and Grace Lewellyn

Last Saturday:

- After a terrible end of week, I look forward to some poetry session in the eve. Before that happens I meet up with bro and almost give up the poetry for drinks and masculine stories...man, am I GLAD I stuck to the script! That poetry session was truly something. Them youngsters have lots of feeling and brain in their bodies. It made me want to sit up at night and write a few lines myself. Which I shall. Soon.

Sunday:

- So the poetry ends and Sunday is with me again. Sleep, sleep and more sleep. Awful. However, late afternoon I head off to the 'Flame' with Grace Lewellyn's book underarm (The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to quit school and get a real life and education). Best book I've bought in ten years. I've already read it once, now I'm taking tiny bites and chewing them thoroughly. Came out of that session with a calm spirit and resolve in my heart. Follow my dreams and do that NOW. Not tomorrow. Now.

Today:

- I can boldly testify that yesterday's Lewellyn session worked. I've had quite a productive and relatively peaceful day. Read lots of intense stuff on wedding photography. Who knew something so mundane sounding could be so deep? One website made it sound like calculus! However I ain't discouraged in the least. I'll just get a good mentorship and that should do me loads of good; better than any photography class. That heavy book on photography at Lifestyle wouldn't hurt either.

- Let me summarize with my Theme for the Season: Like Thoreau, I want to "live deliberately...and suck out all the marrow of life..."

Some light - but I'm still in '09

- New year huh? Not for me. Still in '09 mode. Haven't quite gotten a crystal clear vision of the first step to take into the new dispensation. HOWEVER, I just had one really solid thought about where my frustrations stem from:

Most of what I read is not in any way relevant to what I do! My vocation and hobby(s) don't have as much as they should in common! At last I've articulated it. Punched it right in the nose. What's the point of endlessly educating myself on culture, education, photography, cinema, etc. if it only ends up as interesting conversation? How incomplete! That stuff needs to be put into practice. Study and apply: the best way to educate. So the dilemma now is where to begin. My strongest urge is to begin with photography (which seems simpler to elbow my way into). I must get me some leads pronto. As in this week...nil procrastination.

- Is this the end of 'pure' eye-tee for me, for good?

- The woman: she definitely isn't in my sights yet. One radical, the rest all potential...somethings. But certainly not permanent housemates. Not until further scrutiny. I'm putting that one on ice for a while.

Cisco and beyond

- It is finally here: the Cisco era. I attend a class at least 4 times a week and boy/girl, is it fun! I get the feeling the proffesseur is pushing the envelope and teaching more that the scope of the curriculum, but that can't hurt me can it?

- John Taylor Gatto still make SO much sense to me. Going through some mp3's of his speeches right now. I urge one and all to search the net for his material. It's good, deep stuff to chew on in one's free time. It sure beats watching endless series (24, Heroes...), the empty voyeurism of facebook etc.

- Finally met up (socially) with my telephone friend. She's not half bad actually (nice, firm figure, ahem.) Uses the word 'bastard' a bit too freely for my comfort but she's not as wild as I had feared either, considering her age. Where will this liason end I wonder? I sense a landmine of sorts. Nice and quiet on the outside but when you set foot on it..BOOM! You lose that foot. Careful.

- I'm off for an intervention in a bit. Almost called it 'charity work' but that would have de-personalised it. It's not one of those Corporate Social Responsibility things, its a couple of friends in trouble that another friend and I are trying to sort out. More on this later.

- The immediate future looks sizzling, I can hardly wait for every next happening to happen. The coming week should be a thriller of an episode. Watch this space, I'll probably be itching to catalogue it. 'Till then, I bid y'all farewell.

'09 - Rambling commentary...

- Can't remember a more peaceful transition into a new year. Guess it's because of the contrast with what last year was like. Can't say there's much to complain about.

One blip in the radar though: the addition to the cubicle is M.I.A. Not A.W.O.L. though. That's the official story from H.Q. Strange happenings here. All rumor, not enough fact. Well, live and let live; it's the only way for now.

- New kid on the block: wonderful personality! Great, soothing contrast to previous occupants. Had almost resigned myself to a life of forbearance and longsuffering. Thank You for the respite.

- Amorous thoughts have been on my mind lately. Rather strong ones. Could it be TIME? I hope so. Need to move to the next level and stop thinking of and caring for self alone.

Question: Where to find a kind lass with what it takes?
Answer: She can't be found. Can only be delivered. Wish I knew how to track the parcel... how far is it?
(What would change if I knew?)

Question: Do I have what it takes?
(Quick)Answer: Clearly, I've still got some character formation to complete. No doubt.